Sinking

What is this feeling?

Everything is blurry

And my eyes hurt.

My chest is tight,

My lungs feel as though they’re about to explode.

I realize

I’m floating

And…

I can’t breathe.

I’m underwater.

I swim upwards in a panic,

Desperate for air.

But it doesn’t look as though the surface is getting any closer.

I can’t tell if I’m crying,

Or if the water is burning my eyes.

I refrain from screaming and continue swimming upwards.

Or,

Is it upwards?

It’s certainly bright,

And I’m straining my neck in what I feel is up,

But what if it’s a trick?

Even so,

I won’t know until I’m there.

My chest feels like it’s about to burst open.

I continue swimming,

My eyes close,

The light I see fades,

My arms and legs grow weak.

And suddenly,

My head breaks the surface and I gasp.

And cough,

And cry.

I open my eyes and look around.

Nothing but ocean.

From where I am, I can’t see any land for miles.

I know my fate.

I’m going to die out here.

And I cry some more.

Then,

Whispers.

Faint at first,

And indistinct.

But eventually they became piercing,

And my ears literally hurt.

Something drips from my ears.

I wipe it with one of my hands and look at it.

Blood.

I panic once again and scream.

Maybe this is,

Just a dream?

Suddenly the entire ocean is red with blood

And the intensity of the whispers has grown.

I thrash about at first,

Then cover my ears and

Sink

It’s quieter below the surface.

My chest tightens up again,

But this time,

I don’t care.

My lungs scream for air,

But I refuse to give in.

I close my eyes…

.

.

.

And then I opened them.

And now for some reason,

I find myself standing in front of a hooded figure.

“I am Death.” They said.

Right.

I drowned.

 Death approached me and informed me I was going to Hell.

They said Hell was just me,

In the ocean,

Sinking

For eternity,

Forever feeling the need to breathe,

Needing oxygen,

But every time I came close to reaching the surface,

I’d find myself back at the bottom…

And They told me

I could have another chance at life.

“Because” Death said, “I pity the ones who suffer most.”

I smiled.

“I choose to just sink.

Because sinking for an eternity is better than listening to whispers and other sounds.”

If Death had a face,

I’m sure They’d be smiling at my bravely stupid decision.

To choose Hell over a new chance at life,

To sink forever rather than go back into the world,

What a terrible world it must be

If Hell is the better choice.

Forever sinking

Sharon Mousel
I graduated from Vincent Memorial Catholic High School in 2014, and now that I’m in college, I have been taking classes at Imperial Valley College and San Diego State University. This was made possible due to a partnership between the two schools where I can access everything on both campuses and graduate with my bachelor’s in 4 years. I am currently a junior, and I am studying Criminal Justice; I will now only be going to SDSU campus, as I have graduated from Imperial Valley College. I like going on the computer and hanging out with friends, and my wonderful, supportive boyfriend. I love practicing photography, writing, and singing. I’m known to be really shy, but I’m always trying to go beyond my comfort zone.

Comments on Sinking