It’s Ok to Not be Ok Sometimes

pexels-photo-26980

Tonight, on Thursday June 9, 2016, my boyfriend and I went to a going away party for one of our friends. He (our friend) had just gotten a job in Alaska and was moving there very soon to start his new job. I was excited to go because it was unlikely that I’d see this friend again after tonight.

However, once we got to the party, I immediately heard this one guy speak and trigger me with a sharp “s” sound. And every time he spoke, the sharpness of the “s” sent me over the edge. I was filled with rage and I wanted to slap him and yell at him to shut up. The party was held in the friend’s house, which was pretty small, and we were all by the TV. There was no way I could get to another part of the house to escape this guy.

I called my dad to bring my over the ear headphones, as I had left them at home because I didn’t think I would get triggered. When I got my headphones, I immediately put them on and started playing brown noise, but I could still hear Sharp S Sound guy. I turned up the volume as loud as possible, to the point where I couldn’t hear anyone. I couldn’t hold a conversation now, which was annoying because my poor boyfriend could only type things to me on his phone.

An hour went by, and my head and ears began to hurt. People were laughing, talking, just generally having a good time, and here I was, staring at my phone next to my boyfriend unable to talk. I decided to go to the restroom while everyone gathered around to play a game on the TV. I sat on the floor, annoyed, and contemplated on what to do as I played a game.

An hour went by, and I decided to call my aunt for a ride home and let my boyfriend have fun.

I was defeated. I wanted to have a good time, but because Sharp S Sound guy talked that way, I couldn’t.

When I got home, I realized that sometimes I can’t always stay in a place where there are triggers. Sometimes a trigger can get so bad that you HAVE to leave. You HAVE to, or else you’ll eventually snap. In my situation tonight for example, if I had stayed at the party, I would have had my headphones on all night, frequently going to the bathroom for a break to take off my headphones, and I wouldn’t talk to anyone, which would make me look like I wasn’t having a good time. I always try not to let my misophonia get in the way of me having fun, but sometimes it wins. And you know what? It’s okay. It’s a chance to go home, destress, have some time for yourself, and then go back out the next day and try again. Never give up trying to fight misophonia, because not fighting will only result in isolation.

Sharon Mousel
I graduated from Vincent Memorial Catholic High School in 2014, and now that I’m in college, I have been taking classes at Imperial Valley College and San Diego State University. This was made possible due to a partnership between the two schools where I can access everything on both campuses and graduate with my bachelor’s in 4 years. I am currently a junior, and I am studying Criminal Justice; I will now only be going to SDSU campus, as I have graduated from Imperial Valley College. I like going on the computer and hanging out with friends, and my wonderful, supportive boyfriend. I love practicing photography, writing, and singing. I’m known to be really shy, but I’m always trying to go beyond my comfort zone.