Ending Up Alone

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The fear of ending up alone has been brought up in one of the misophonia groups on Facebook. I can relate big time, and I’m sure many of you reading this can as well.

Sometimes, misophonia can force sufferers to break off relationships with people; friends, boyfriends and girlfriends, husbands and wives, and maybe even family members. “What if I end all of my relationships?” This is one of many thoughts that go through my mind at night.

In my case, when I meet someone new, I tend to not follow up on getting to know that person more in depth unless I really, really, really, like that person. I’ve only met very few people who I like to talk to in person, through text, on the phone, etc. Those people trigger me, yes, but I really like these people and don’t want to break off my friendship with them.

However, I think about my sanity and how long I’ll be able to retain it before I go completely insane. Misophonia is driving me insane. Slowly, but surely. I often think, “How long will it be until I say ‘screw it’, go off the grid, and live in a cabin in the woods?” Tonight, my father triggered me while he was ordering food in the drive-thru to KFC. His sharp “s” sounds made me want to tear out my eardrums and tape his mouth shut. I cringe at the very thought of it. How long until I’m done and break off every single relationship I’ve had with anyone?

Though these thoughts frequently haunt me, I know the logical side of me will stop me before I do something dumb. “You need your friends to survive. Human interaction is key if you want to succeed in life” My logic tells me. It also tells me I can’t just go live by myself in a log cabin the woods because I won’t live very long without having the motivation to go search for food.

Because of misophonia, the way I make friends has changed. When I was little, I made my best friend by walking up to her and saying “You wanna be my friend?!” And she said “Sure!” Now that I have misophonia, I have to see how this person eats, talks, what their habits are and if they trigger me, and so many other factors. And once I’ve done all that, I decide whether it’s worth it to be triggered by this person, whether I feel instantly connected with this person to try and maintain a friendship. This is tiring, especially when someone new walks up to you and strikes up a conversation when your misophonia happens to be really bad that day.

No one wants to be alone. My suggestion? Find the people you would try to set aside your misophonia for (even though you can’t really set it aside, but to try to anyway); the people you really like. I’ll give you a few examples:

-I have a friend who’s “s” sounds are sharp sometimes, he cracks his knuckles, back, fingers, neck, etc., and occasionally bites his nails. However, he’s done so much for me and I’m incredibly thankful to have him for a friend, so I don’t want this friendship to die.

-This friend, her “s” sounds are sharp all the time. That’s about all I noticed. This girl has been through a lot, and she and I became close friends as time went on. We rant to each other. We laugh together. She’s overall hilarious, and I don’t want to let that friendship wither away either.

I could go on, but I think you get my point. Don’t allow misophonia to ruin your relationships with people. Perhaps mine isn’t as worse as some, which is why I may be able to do this, but I’m going to try as hard as I can to keep these people in my life. I don’t think it’s too late for anyone to do this, but it takes time and practice. Don’t end up alone. Keep your special people close to your heart.

Sharon Mousel
I graduated from Vincent Memorial Catholic High School in 2014, and now that I’m in college, I have been taking classes at Imperial Valley College and San Diego State University. This was made possible due to a partnership between the two schools where I can access everything on both campuses and graduate with my bachelor’s in 4 years. I am currently a junior, and I am studying Criminal Justice; I will now only be going to SDSU campus, as I have graduated from Imperial Valley College. I like going on the computer and hanging out with friends, and my wonderful, supportive boyfriend. I love practicing photography, writing, and singing. I’m known to be really shy, but I’m always trying to go beyond my comfort zone.