Sinking

What is this feeling?

Everything is blurry

And my eyes hurt.

My chest is tight,

My lungs feel as though they’re about to explode.

I realize

I’m floating

And…

I can’t breathe.

I’m underwater.

I swim upwards in a panic,

Desperate for air.

But it doesn’t look as though the surface is getting any closer.

I can’t tell if I’m crying,

Or if the water is burning my eyes.

I refrain from screaming and continue swimming upwards.

Or,

Is it upwards?

It’s certainly bright,

And I’m straining my neck in what I feel is up,

But what if it’s a trick?

Even so,

I won’t know until I’m there.

My chest feels like it’s about to burst open.

I continue swimming,

My eyes close,

The light I see fades,

My arms and legs grow weak.

And suddenly,

My head breaks the surface and I gasp.

And cough,

And cry.

I open my eyes and look around.

Nothing but ocean.

From where I am, I can’t see any land for miles.

I know my fate.

I’m going to die out here.

And I cry some more.

Then,

Whispers.

Faint at first,

And indistinct.

But eventually they became piercing,

And my ears literally hurt.

Something drips from my ears.

I wipe it with one of my hands and look at it.

Blood.

I panic once again and scream.

Maybe this is,

Just a dream?

Suddenly the entire ocean is red with blood

And the intensity of the whispers has grown.

I thrash about at first,

Then cover my ears and

Sink

It’s quieter below the surface.

My chest tightens up again,

But this time,

I don’t care.

My lungs scream for air,

But I refuse to give in.

I close my eyes…

.

.

.

And then I opened them.

And now for some reason,

I find myself standing in front of a hooded figure.

“I am Death.” They said.

Right.

I drowned.

 Death approached me and informed me I was going to Hell.

They said Hell was just me,

In the ocean,

Sinking

For eternity,

Forever feeling the need to breathe,

Needing oxygen,

But every time I came close to reaching the surface,

I’d find myself back at the bottom…

And They told me

I could have another chance at life.

“Because” Death said, “I pity the ones who suffer most.”

I smiled.

“I choose to just sink.

Because sinking for an eternity is better than listening to whispers and other sounds.”

If Death had a face,

I’m sure They’d be smiling at my bravely stupid decision.

To choose Hell over a new chance at life,

To sink forever rather than go back into the world,

What a terrible world it must be

If Hell is the better choice.

Forever sinking

Looking for more information on misophonia? Consider attending our workshops at Misophoniaeducation.com

Related posts

Speak up. Be heard.

FICTION: The Sound of Pain

Art And Misophonia